Why is the Floor Growing?
by PocketRocket911
Summary: "Thank you." She said, and he merely nodded. "Also, thank you for picking me up. My car's still at the shop, and I didn't want to try and take a cab when I wasn't in my proper mindtes…midsent…mindset." Lisbon is drunk and Jane comes to her rescue. Slight Jisbon, but nothing serious. Set season 4ish.


**Hey there! Long time, no see! I would just like to apologize for my multiple unfinished stories. With family issues, medical issues, and upcoming finals (gag me with a spoon), writing time has been a luxury I could not afford. One more week! And then I hope to update at least one story. Fingers crossed. Anyways, This idea just came to me one day. NOTE: I am 15 years old. I've never been drunk and I've never been around anyone who was drunk. I apologize if this is horribly inaccurate. And on that note, enjoy!**

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"Lisbon! To what do I owe the pleasure?" Jane answered his cell phone with a flourish. Thank goodness she had called; he was almost dying of boredom on the couch, all alone. The team had left two hours earlier while he was hiding away in the attic. He had come down about an hour later, expecting to get a little quality time with Lisbon's couch and the agent herself, only to find her office deserted. That was most unusual. Lisbon almost never left the office before dark, and she _always _told him goodbye first. Not that he had been concerned about her. Because he hadn't. Really.

"Um, Patrick Jane?" A young woman's voice answered and Jane sat up a little straighter on the couch.

"Yes, that's me. Is Lisbon okay?" His pulsed quickened as he waited for a reply. He didn't know what he would do if she wasn't okay, if something had happened-

"Yes, she's fine. Well, mostly fine. Is there any chance you could come pick her up? She's had a bit too much to drink and asked me to call you." The woman spoke softly, and Jane could hear the sounds of clinking glasses and laughter in the background. So that's where his little busy bee had snuck off to. Although he couldn't imagine why. It wasn't like Lisbon was much of a social butterfly most of the time, so why would she go to a bar? Especially by herself? He knew about the kinds of people who lurked there, waiting for someone innocent like Lisbon to come along… he had to get there, fast.

"Of course I can pick her up. Where is she?" Jane stood from the couch and made his way to the elevators.

"The Lucky Seven. On the corner of 12th and Madison." The woman paused and Jane could here Lisbon's voice in the background. She was laughing, and the deep throaty chuckle of a man that followed made Jane's vision blur momentarily. He needed to get to her. _Now. _Before whatever creep she was giggling it up with decided to try and cop a feel. Unless he already had. Jane would tear that man to pieces if he laid a hand on his Lisbon. He waited impatiently as the elevator descended, eyes glued to the little red number in the corner. _Come on, _he willed the box, _only two more floors. _

"Mr. Jane?" The woman's voice filled the silent elevator and Jane startled. He had forgotten about the lady in his haste.

"Yes, I'm here."

"There is a man here who is offering to take her home. Would you like me to-"

"No!" Jane interrupted, finally stepping out of the elevator and heading to the parking garage. "No, don't let her leave until I get there. Please." He added as an afterthought.

"Okay. I suggest you hurry though, the man doesn't seem to want to take no for an answer." Jane felt like punching a wall. Or the man's face. If he so much as harmed a hair on Lisbon's head, he would-

"Thank you. I'll be there in less than ten minutes." Jane answered calmly before hanging up his phone and starting his car. He peeled out of the garage in record time and sped off down the road towards the bar.

Jane pulled up to the front entrance of The Lucky Seven with two minutes to spare. Lisbon would kill him if she knew how fast he'd driven. Not that she could complain, seeing as how she was the cause of said speeding in the first place. No matter. Jane killed the engine and jumped out of his car, striding towards the front doors.

As soon as he entered the bar his eyes scanned the room for Lisbon. After a few seconds he found her perched on a barstool at the far end of the table, facing his direction. She had a sort of calm, dreamy look on her face and was chatting up some tough-looking guy in a baseball cap. Jane pushed through the crowd - it was a Friday night, after all - and made his way to Lisbon's side.

"Jane!" Lisbon brightened considerably when she saw his figure behind the man and waved him over enthusiastically. Jane smiled in relief and motioned for her to go with him. "Jane, this is my new friend Trevor! He's from Chicago too! Crazy, huh?"

Tough Guy slowly turned around. "This pretty boy here? You know him?" He growled, and Jane recognized the deep tone as the man he heard on the phone.

"Yes!" She answered with a grin, seemingly unaware of the tension between the two men. "Wait." She paused. "How did you find me?"

"Your friend called me and told me you needed to be picked up." Jane explained.

"Oh yeah! Cam!" She called out, swaying a bit on her stool as she raised her hand to be seen. "Cam, Jane's here! I need my phone back."

A girl behind the bar, maybe twenty-two years old, dried her hands off on a towel and stepped over to Lisbon.

"Are you Patrick Jane?" She asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Yes I am. I can take her home now. Thank you for watching her. And you," He turned to the other man, who had been sitting in anger, "for keeping her company." The man let out a bark of laughter, his body language clearly indicating a lack of self-control and anger management.

Not wanting to start any trouble, Jane raised his hands up like a cornered suspect would and turned back to Lisbon, who had by then retrieved her phone from Cam the bartender and was finishing the last of her beer.

Tough Guy stood up menacingly, easily six inches taller than Jane, who shrunk back instinctively.

"I don't think I want you taking her home. I think maybe I want to take her home, and I don't think you're gonna stop me." Jane would've rolled his eyes at the man's cookie-cutter bad-guy persona if he hadn't seen the huge muscles rippling underneath his shirt. Patrick Jane was many things, but a fighter was not one of them. He was about to start playing his usual mind games before Lisbon interrupted him.

"Jane, I think I'd like to go home now." she said, much more mellow than she'd been just minutes before.

"Don't worry, Lisbon. Once your friend here moves, we can go." Jane never broke eye contact with the man, who had started cracking his knuckles in preparation.

"Trevor. Trevor, I want to go home now. Thank you for sitting with me. And thank you for the drinks." Lisbon smiled gently and rested a palm on the man's huge bicep.

"You know what, whatever. You're not even hot anyways." Trevor shrugged her hand off and stomped his way to the back of the bar like a rejected college kid. Jane frowned at the back of his head. He had a few choice words he wouldn't have minded letting loose, but at the moment he needed to focus on Lisbon.

"Hey, you ready to go?" He turned back to his partner and extended his hand. Looking at it with a confused face, Lisbon finally took it and allowed him to lead her out the door. He paused at the end of the bar and tossed a small wad of bills onto the counter.

"Thanks for everything, Cam!" He called over his shoulder as he pushed the door open.

He felt Lisbon's hand tighten around his own and turned to look back at her, finally taking in her appearance. Obviously she hadn't changed from her work clothes; she was still wearing the same jeans and blouse that she'd worn earlier that day. She had lost the jacket, though, and the shirt underneath exposed her shoulders. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail that swayed in the breeze, and her eyes were clouded over from all of the alcohol she had drunken over the night.

He realized that the reason her grip tightened was the cold air that had hit her, a sharp contrast to the balmy heat of the bar. Jane slid the dark grey jacket from his shoulders and tugged her closer, gently guiding her arms through the holes and pulling it tighter around her petite frame.

"Thank you." She said, and he merely nodded. "Also, thank you for picking me up. My car's still at the shop, and I didn't want to try and take a cab when I wasn't in my proper mindtes…midsent…mindset." She struggled with the last word, before looking up at her partner through hooded lashes, a smile on her face.

"Jane, I think I'm really drunk." She stated matter-of-factly, before catching sight of his light blue car and setting off towards it. She swayed as she walked and Jane wrapped an arm around her waist without thinking about it.

"Come on, let's get you home." He took some of her weight onto his side - not that there was much to begin with, his little pixie - and guided her into the passenger seat. After making sure she was properly buckled he shut the door and walked around to the driver's side.

After ten solid minutes of Lisbon constantly switching radio stations, Jane finally had enough and grabbed her hand. He told himself it was only to still her hand, but that didn't explain why he laced his fingers through hers.

"So tell me. Why did you decide to go get drunk tonight?" Jane asked, partly to just make small talk and partly out of genuine curiosity.

"Well, it's a funny story." Lisbon started, the dreamy look still on her face. "My car is in the shop, so I took a cab to the bar and had _too many _beers." The sleeve of Jane's jacket was too long for her arm, and when she reached up to scratch her nose with her free hand the fabric brushed against her face.

"Mmm, smells like you." She murmured, burrowing further into the seat.

Jane was amused, but she still hadn't answered his question. He tried a different approach.

"Did something happen today? Why did you want to go get drunk?" Lisbon held his gaze for a long moment before blowing her bangs out of her face and dropping her eyes to their joined hands.

"You made me sad today." She answered, blushing as she did so. Jane frowned in confusion. He didn't _remember _doing anything wrong today. At least, nothing worse than the normal things. Certainly nothing that would upset her enough to drive her to the bottle, and he would've noticed if she'd been upset at him.

"What did I do?" He asked, following her eyes as they shifted from their hands to his face and back again. "Lisbon, please tell me what I did wrong."

"Well you didn't do anything wrong _today. _It was just a day where everything you usually do wrong kind of… bigifyed." Satisfied with her answer, Lisbon closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat. Jane sat silently for a moment, pondering her latest answer. He hadn't realized that his actions had piled up on her like that. No, that was a lie. He knew that they had piled up, he just hadn't realized that she was so near her breaking point. Usually she was impervious to his antics, always a steady constant in his life, infallible. He should've paid more attention to her, he should've-

"Hey Jane?" The sound of Lisbon's voice broke him out of his thoughts and he glanced at her, still keeping his eyes on the road.

"Yeah?"

"My head feels funny. Like it's full of fluff." She brought her free hand back up to her head and poked her temple a few times before a laughed bubbled up from her throat and spilled out of her mouth. Jane laughed as well.

"That's because you're drunk, Lisbon. Now come on, we're here."

He pulled up to her apartment complex.

"We're at my apartment?" Lisbon asked, confused.

"It's where you live, right?"

"Yes, but it's kind of creepy that you know where I live." She countered, trying and failing to press the unlock button on her seatbelt. Jane released her hand, flexing his fingers absently, and pressed the button for her, unlocking the seatbelt. He hurriedly left the driver's seat, wanting to make it to the passenger side before Lisbon fell flat on her face.

"I know everything, Lisbon. Or have you forgotten?" He joked, helping her out of the car and once again leaned her against his side as he walked up to the front doors.

"You don't know _everything._" She retorted. Jane just smiled at her stubbornness and slid his hand into her pocket.

"What're you doing?" She tried to smack his hand away but was too slow.

"Keys." He dangled them in front of her face before turning to unlock the door to her apartment. The door swung open and he flicked the lights on. Lisbon cringed at the sudden bright light and covered her eyes with the sleeve of Jane's jacket.

"_Jesus. _I don't remember the lights being so bright this morning…" She pondered, setting off towards her living room. Jane noticed her wobble and followed close behind, ready to catch her if she fell.

"Exactly how much _did _you have to drink?" He asked her, sitting next to her on the couch, arm draped across the back.

"Umm, a lot. Like, a _lot. _I stopped counting." She pulled at a loose thread that was sticking out of her throw pillow. Hugging it to her chest, she dropped her gaze.

"Lisbon. You know you shouldn't drink that much. You're really a very small person, the alcohol has harsher effects." Jane tried to explain, tilting her chin up with his fingers when she wouldn't meet his eyes. She reached up to push his hand away. Instead, she found herself cradling it in her own, tracing his fingers and pulling it down into her lap so she could examine it further. There was no wedding ring - it was his right hand - but she gently drew her fingertip around the base of his ring finger.

Jane watched her motions, frozen in place. Lisbon almost never touched him. Yet here she was, running her fingers over the back of his hand, tracing the bones she could feel underneath. And it felt…good. It had been so long since someone had held his hand. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed the contact.

"You have very nice hands." Lisbon pointed out, turning his hand so that his palm pressed against hers. She let them stay together for a few seconds before she pulled her hand back and slid Jane's jacket off. His eyes drifted to her shoulders. They were very nice. Oh, what was he thinking? She was _drunk. _It was not the time to be thinking about what Lisbon looked like under her clothes.

Okay, _that _came out very wrong. Jane shook his head to clear his thoughts just in time to hear Lisbon speak.

"Why is the floor growing?" He looked over and managed to wrap an arm around her stomach, effectively stopping her from tumbling face first onto the floor.

"Maybe we should get you some tea, hmm?" Jane pulled her back onto the couch and settled her in to the cushions before standing up.

"Wait! I'll help you!" She offered, moving to follow him.

"No, no. You stay here. I'll get it." Jane patted her head awkwardly and left for the kitchen, making small talk as he went.

"So Cam said you asked her to call me." Lisbon watched over the back of the couch as Jane's head disappeared behind the counter. He reappeared moments later, holding a kettle.

"Yeah. She- she- she wanted to make sure that I was okay." Lisbon struggled with her words, but recovered and allowed her eyes to follow Jane's movements around her kitchen. It was nice, having a man in her house for once. Making her tea, keeping her company. And he fit in rather nicely. He seemed to be able to locate everything he needed without effort, which wasn't particularly surprising. He had a way of making himself comfortable practically anywhere.

"Why didn't you call me yourself?" He filled her kettle and set it on the stove before reaching into the cabinet for the tea.

"My fingers wouldn't hit the right buttons. And I had the hiccups." She confessed.

Jane snorted softly in amusement. Drunken Lisbon was very entertaining. He was thankful that she wasn't falling all over the place or throwing up, at least. In fact, she seemed almost unaffected by the alcohol except for the glaze in her eyes and her lowered inhibitions. She was usually very guarded when she spoke to him, knowing that he could quite possibly use her words against her at any time. His stomach clenched as he considered it. His one true friend, and she couldn't even have a real conversation with him unless she was wasted. He decided then that he would try to be a better friend, let her know that she could confide in him without worry.

Jane opened his mouth to reply when he heard a muffled sob. He whipped his head around, only to see Lisbon bury her face in the couch cushion, but not before he caught a glimpse of her face, eyes watering and nose scrunched up. He dropped the tea bag he had been opening and hurried back into the living room, sitting next to her on the couch.

"Lisbon, what's wrong?" He reached his arm out to touch her, but she flinched away and curled into a ball, facing the opposite direction.

"Lisbon." He said firmly, pressing three fingers into the crook of her arm. She turned towards him reluctantly but kept her face hidden from his sight.

"Lisbon, why are you crying?" He tried again, this time with a softer tone. She rubbed her nose with her arm and sniffled.

"No, you'll think it's stupid." She pouted before dissolving into another round of tears.

"No I won't." Jane insisted. He tried to pull her arm away from her face but she shrugged him off, so he settled for wrapping an arm around her, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Yes you _will_."

Jane realized that she wasn't going to tell him outright, so he began wracking his brain for the cause of her distress. Yes she was drunk, but it wasn't necessarily a huge deal. It could've brought up memories of her past he figured, but ruled the idea out almost immediately. He wouldn't think that her being upset about her past was stupid, and she knew that. Of course, there had been that creep at the bar, but he'd left right after he said-

Jane's mind finally clicked. She must've been upset that Trevor had insulted her at the bar. It made sense, after all. Lisbon had never been insecure about her looks – at least not outwardly – and the fact that she was so distraught over it was probably embarrassing for her. It wasn't _stupid_, though. Especially considering she'd had so much to drink and was most definitely not in her right mind.

"Is it what Trevor said to you at the bar?" Jane asked. Lisbon finally raised her head and Jane's heart broke a bit at the sight. Her lower lip was trembling and her wide green eyes were wet with tears. One look at her face was all the confirmation he needed.

"Oh, Lisbon. Come here." He sighed, pulling her into his chest. She struggled for a brief moment before giving in and allowing her consultant to envelop her in a hug. He smoothed her hair with one hand and kept the other around her back. She was so small that he could wrap his arm around her completely and rub her arm. She burrowed further into his embrace, pressing her cheek against his neck and pressing her palms against his chest, drawing comfort from his warmth.

"You know he's an idiot, right? You're beautiful." Jane breathed into her ear, and she sobbed again. She didn't want his pity, didn't want him to make up sweet little lies just to make her feel better about herself. She didn't have the energy to call him out though, the alcohol finally catching up to her and leaving her feeling drained.

"I'm sorry." She pulled back, trying to ignore the fact that Jane kept his arm securely around her body.

"Oh, I got your shirt wet." She noticed. He merely shrugged and moved his hand to brush her tears away with his fingertips. The gesture was so touching that Lisbon's heart clenched. Why was he being so sweet to her? She didn't deserve it, going off and getting drunk, and then blaming him no less.

"You're tired." Jane pointed out. Lisbon just nodded in agreement, wiping her face hastily.

"Come on, you need to go to bed." He stood from the couch, turning to pull her up with him. He moved his arm back around her waist. It was just to keep her steady, he told himself as he slowly lead her upstairs.

"Thank you for everything tonight." Lisbon said softly as they approached her bedroom door. Jane simply smiled and turned the knob, swinging the door open. The room was very…_Lisbon._ Simple and functional, but with a touch of femininity. He led her to her bed and she sat on the edge. Kneeling down, Jane gently pulled off her shoes and socks. His thoughtfulness nearly set off her tears again. Instead, Lisbon swung her legs onto the bed and laid down, pulling the thick comforter up to her chin.

"Are you okay with sleeping in your jeans?" Jane checked, unsure. Lisbon just nodded, eyes already drifting shut.

"Well I'll let you get your rest then. Goodnight, Lisbon."

"Mmm, 'night Jane." Lisbon murmured.

Jane patted her head once more and stood to leave. A small hand shot out and wrapped around his wrist.

"Don't go. Stay here tonight. Please." Lisbon begged, fighting to stay awake. She didn't want him to go back to Malibu, or to a lonely motel room, or the dusty old attic in the CBI…

"Shh, just go to sleep. I'll be fine." He whispered, brushing the backs of his fingers across her forehead. Why couldn't he stop touching her? She was like a magnet, drawing him to her.

"Please, Jane? _Please._"

"Okay." He finally agreed, and Lisbon's face split into a smile. Seemingly satisfied, she closed her eyes and snuggled into the blankets, still clutching his wrist in her hand. He twisted his arm a little and wrapped his palm around her own before taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

The last thing Lisbon heard before sleep overcame her was Jane's voice, a whispered, "Teresa."

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The next morning, Lisbon awoke to the mother of all hangovers and a note by her bed, held down by a glass of water.

_Good morning, Sunshine! _It read. _I hope you slept well. I'm sure you're feeling like crap right now, though, so I took the liberty of leaving you two aspirin. I also called the office and told them that you wouldn't be coming in today, and I want no fussing from you. I was very well behaved this last case, so there is no paperwork excuse for you to use. Get some rest, and I'll see you tomorrow. Yours, P. Jane._

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**Well there you have it! I hope you all enjoyed, and as always, reviews get you virtual hugs and infinite brownie points! Mmm, brownies :) Love you all, and thanks for your patience! You guys are the best! - PocketRocket**


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